Deleting files of the life I used to have this morning, I discovered this:
it is one of my favorite reading poems but i have no memory of where this was published in this way.
november 28, 2020 – Joan of arc – the life i used to have Read Post »
the world outside is of course going to hell – not only have we let hell loose by opening up schools and shopping malls at the same time, but a top Iranian nuclear scientist has been assassinated. Whether we were involved our not, we’re to blame and we will pay. So we stay home. In fact, the worse the news, the more we make cakes. Right now, Ezi is making a Dobos Torte. Write me for the recipe
Me, I’m finishing up the poems that I wrote with Robert Priest so we can record them next week as a disk. Here’s an example:
Your Legs
“Your legs
Are not your best feature,
They should be played down,”
She said – and I looked up at her face
To see if she meant it
Since except for the blue lines
interlacing with red on the skin,
My legs are quite superb
And the crisscross of veins
Remind me of my father
And although I never saw her,
His mother. I merge
With their chronicles of aches,
Long hours of standing
When the pain from below
Calls me back to my body
From wherever I was, saying
“Whatever you have to do
Cannot be as significant
As the generations that created
Those legs upon which you stand.”
They may be
My best feature.
november 27, 2020 – playing with poems while we prepare a third wave Read Post »
in these times of trouble I sometimes feel an incredible urge to connect with people who may be ill, or lonely, or in need. Usually I take an aspirin and lie down until the feeling goes away. Because I know it isn’t going to lead to an improvement of the person’s situation, and I can’t do much to change that situation, but it will definitely make me feel bad. Tonight a former student called and reminisced about the times she used to visit me when all the kids were living here and we had a dog and everything was happening. I was beginning to feel nostalgic about the good old days but then I realized her situation was so bad now that her happy days were long ago and in her situation it will never get better than it was then. i wish i could help her, somehow connect her with a partner, get her an eye doctor that could improve her situation, or at least help her find a job that she could do with other people. but i know i can’t, so all i can do is wish her well, embrace her virtually, and then go off feeling sad.
and yet we must connect. we are so busy with our survival and the difficulties of overcoming the obstacles to communication that sometimes we forget the old people, the weak, or even just the old friends that need a little boost. let’s try, just a little harder. i will. i promise.
november 26, 2020 – connecting Read Post »
Despite all the summer street work, the enormous efforts to improve our drainage in the neighborhood, we have a river going through our street, and even a short walk in impossible.
So we look up the place where Bibi went to meet with the Saudis. At first it seems like the end of the world – but if we wait a year I think it will be a little paradise. See?
it must be a perfect place to rendez-vous – close enough to Eilat to make it a morning jaunt. Maybe once we’re finished with this plague we’ll be able to engage a suite in a five star hotel on their incredible beach… Or maybe we’ll be at war. I’m kind of counting on that beach, but right now we’re at the barely talking stage.
in the meantime, the rain has stopped for the afternoon and we can try to face the reality of a government that can’t get together on a single thing, a leader under investigation for some serious crimes, and a country that is opening itself up to the third wave of corona.
i think i’d rather go back to the fantasy of Neom with its artificial moon.
november 26, 2020 – Neom in the rain Read Post »
Because i am dyslexic. I always need a great motivation to read, especially if it is Yiddish or Hebrew. There must be some trauma in my past connected to Hebrew letters that I have never uncovered. But when i skimmed the Yiddish “Forward” and found an article that our future Secretary of State is the great grandson of a Yiddish writer, my curiousity and pride overcame my reluctance to read. Meyer Blinkin came from the Ukraine to the US as a masseur and wrote a number of stories – none of which are available in the Tel Aviv University Library but i could order from interlibrary loan from Jerusalem or Bahrain. I don’t even know yet whether anything has been translated so I suspect that Anthony Blinken has no idea of his heritage. Worth looking into, don’t you think? I suspect all Yiddish writing – especially in the twentieth century in New York – has a political basis. The preservation of a Yiddish heritage even as the new heritage of multicultural New York is embraced is in itself political. I love it and will look for his works.
November 25, 2020 – Meyer blinken Read Post »
As soon as the weather gets bad, or there’s a spike in the corona, i get on the internet and order food. Even as I’m clicking items on supersol or tivtam or any of the supermarkets, I think of Estella Costanza’s famous line: “What am I supposed to do with all that Paella?”
on saturday we had a ton of cholent – why? because it was raining. Children couldn’t come over because we don’t have a balcony, so we went to one bunch of kids and they kept the windows open for us. My nascent cold got much worse as a result, and it’s wednesday and we’re still eating the leftovers of cholent.
People tell me I reflect the second generation syndrome, but basically I’m first generation, since the reason I don’t have older sisters is that my mother aborted herself twice while fleeing the Nazis. Nevertheless I don’t remember my mother wasting food the way i do. It’s my little way of controlling an uncontrolable situation.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Ut elit tellus, luctus nec ullamcorper mattis, pulvinar dapibus leo.
i probably quoted her before, but the words of my husband’s ex-wife’s late mother still echo in my mind. Two years after her widowhood I asked her how she kept occupied all day. “What do you mean?” She said haughtily and yet with humor, “I have a full-time job taking care of an ageing woman!” Every year I see how true her words were. I have endless aches and pains that demand checking and treating and even though the medical profession is occupied with treating Covid-19, they still have time for my foibles.
And I see that others have the same foibles. One example that is not actually medical. Almost every friend I have has complained about hair loss lately. Women of various ages, various backgrounds tell me or show me that their hair is thinner, or they are getting bald in patches. While I’m sure this is an emotional reaction to the situation, I’m sure it troubles most of them, and they spend time and money trying to figure out what to do, and how to hide it.
me too. when i see myself on zoom it seems to me my hairline is receding, and i spend more than my usual time in front of a mirror trying to blur that fact.
as i used to tell my late brother-in-law – “A woman of 40 can look as good as a women of 20. It just takes twice as long.”
november 24, 2020 – maintenance Read Post »
one side of my throat is all swollen,and, when i think about it, it’s been a long time since i haven’t had a chill or a head ache. but it is such a hassle to go to the doctor and then be told to drink tea with ginger or something basic like that. worse, to be given an antibiotic and then go crazy with all those anti-anti-biotics. oy. i just want to stop my teeth from hurting.
but if i stay home and rest I’ll watch television. And then the news about elections in March will make me ache all over. I have the terrible feeling that we’re getting vaccines just so that we’ll go to the polls and re-elect Bibi…
november 23, 2020 – i don wanna go to the doctor Read Post »
