May I be forgiven in the next world – but I cannot face cooking for the family any more. The tastes of the next generations are so foreign to me and my own cooking so tired, I need a break.
So what does a Jewish princess make for dinner? Reservations of course.
The problem is that company comes on Shabbat. And many restaurants in Tel Aviv, those that have survived, are not open on shabbat. So I spent the morning looking for reservations for the coming birthdays – and there are quite a few.
Why not get a caterer, you ask? Same problem. Also, I haven’t done this before and therefore don’t know where to begin and whether to test out a caterer on friends or family.
What I would like to do is make chicken soup, chopped liver, roast chicken – sweet-sour, potatoes, salad, compote and cake. No one will go for that.
at 7 a.m. we showed up for a ritual we’ve been going through for decades – a series of medical tests in which in the course of a morning you see most of the doctors you could possibly want to see in the course of a lifetime. Then they write up their reports and send them to us eventually.
I haven’t done this for a long while because of covid, the war, etc. And now that I’ve done it – i will a need a week to recover.
First of all I always wind up having to do the fitness tests at the end of the day when I’m exhausted, hungry, and impatient. I don’t know how this happens, but I see these young people in shorts entering the argumentry room and they’re all fresh and fed.
I want to push them aside and scream that I’m too old for this and need to get through it just after breakfast.
But I don’t.
Anyway I was the last one out at 2 in the afternoon, and found myself unable to function. that is – the doctors made me sick.
It is amazing that there is a program like this – Once it was very luxurious with lots of breakfast treats, and individuals who paid close attention to your individual needs, but now it is a screen you must pay close attention to – a problem when you have drops in your eyes. And in the past I met some great people there – especially ‘celebs’. This time it was all these high tech people who don’t talk to people like me.
Never mind – I’ll go to the theater tonight and erase my trauma.
It seems there’s a few groups in Lebanon who haven’t heard about the ceasefire. We’re still getting rockets. But the atmosphere has begun to pcik up. I now am beginning to assess the damage to my mind, my life as well as the country. Of course there is the damage all around – the terrible ongoing situation of the hostages, the tragedies of their families, the ptsd of an entire population, the disintegration of the concept of moral government, etc. etc. But there’s also the distintegration of my mind. The uncertainty of every day makes so much to hold in my memory that I am forgetting the most important things – even family. I hope we can learn to forgive each other. If I owe you a letter, I’m asking for mass forgiveness. If I missed your party – I don’t remember…. I’m still busy waiting for a siren.
With the Houtis still sending us rockets, and Isis trying to take over Syria, our troubles are not over.
I’m used to the sirens so I follow the rules automatically.
But I’m just waiting for the hostages to come home and then I’ll start worrying about Isis and then maybe the Houtis.
And then, maybe, I can start worrying about concentrating on writing.
This is not just a personal confession. Not only is the Israel Association of Writers in English holding an evening about “uncertainty” but SELI, the organization of English departments in Israeli universities, is having a conference next month about the difficulty of writing now. Creativity as well as Concentration is much more difficult in this extended war.
This is my latest poem about the war, and I hope it is my last publication on this subject. May this war end and the repairs and restructures begin! I would love to see the Gazans rebuild their beautiful country.
We took a trip to the Negev a few days ago, to see the Nabatean city of Mamshit, the winter daffodils of the desert, the development center in Yerucham, and were hosted by a wonderful Bedouin lady in her tent. It has taken me three days to recover, not because of the places we visited, but the long bus journey.
The buses the nature society uses have narrow seats, little leg room, and no bathroom. We stop regularly and stand in line for the public toilets. No one else seems to mind, but I sit on my aisle seat, trying not to fall into the aisle, and waiting for any opportunity to stand up.
The bus is not reinforced, but even though we shared the sites with Arab groups, my greatest fear is that the bathroom will not be clean.
Today there was an attack on a bus – not a tour bus – but a bus in the territories. 9 People were injured by a single terrorist. What am I complaining about? I got to see the most amazing sites, and met the most amazing people, and never felt danger for a moment.
Oh yes, we had an armed guard with us the entire time.
How do these flowers exist in the Negev? There is nothing aroun but an occasional flower, and yet there are purple and yellow flowers peeking out of the stony earth everywhere.
For years I ignored thanksgiving, thinking that being in Israel I have enough holidays to celebrate. But in recent years I see more and more how delicate existence is, and how we shouldn’t miss a chance to say thank you – to the Lord (why take a chance), to our family (whether they stick by us or not) to our friends (who do stick by us – no matter what others are saying), to our enemies (who can always change their mind), and to all those in the middle. (I’m not an easy person to like)