what doesn’t kill you Read Post »
unfinished business -4.12.26
last month I posted the talk I gave on youtube about poets and their graves. i forgot to put it on the iawe channel, maybe because it is so good and so primitive.
here lie – last weeks video – 3.5.26
i’ll fix it and put it up on the IAWE channel. if enough people like it enough. if someone wants to help me fix it, blessings.
unfinished business – 4.12.26 Read Post »
blame - 4.11.26
Nobody blames Hamas for leaving their citizens unprotected. The blame goes to us for bombing them to stop their attack on us.
But right now in the north of Israel there are a couple hundred thousand people who are under constant rocket fire with little or no warning and no protection. And who are we blaming? our government.
The moral questions are simple. I refer to a poem of mine from the 1990’s that needs a tad updating:
HOSTAGE CRISIS
“One clear loser in the hostage crisis is Israel, which has
gone down nine points in the ratings” NBC, June 30, 1985
I
“This is the game …” You draw a diagram.
“First, a river” — a line across the page.
“On this side lives a husband and wife.”
You write (H) and (W) on the bottom half.
“On the other side are her lovers,” (L1) and (L2),
who live in view of each other.
(L1) loves (W) madly but (W) is mad for (L2)
who doesn’t really care but consents
to sleep with her when she’s there.
“There are two ways to cross the river —
a bridge and a boat. The boatman, (B),
for a coin will carry anyone anywhere.
The bridge is free, but from eight at night
until eight A.M. is patrolled by a murderer (M)
who destroys those who try to pass.
“One morning (W) goes to see (L2).
They spend all day in bed.
She is so besotted
she forgets the time, and it is eight.
“When she runs to (B) she sees
she has left her wallet at home
and asks to owe the money.
(B), a businessman,
does not operate on credit.
“Returning to (L2) she asks
for a small loan, but he — reiterating
what he said in the morning — shakes his head.
He has no ties to her, except, as she knows,
an indifferent willingness to acquiesce. Can
she stay the night, she asks. He shakes his head.
“(L1) watches her run down his path, desperate,
hysterical. ‘If you love me at all, please
lend me the money for the ride or give me a roof
for the night!’ ‘Not I — who have watched you two all day —
in love and pain — I will not be further used and wounded.’
“It is bitter cold, and if she sleeps outside
(W) will surely freeze. Perhaps, she thinks, the
murderer will not come out now. She tries
the only way left.
When she gets to this point,” You draw an (X)
with your pencil half-way across the bridge, “She is killed.
“Now,” you say in triumph, “List
the letters in order of responsibility.”
II
That was years ago and I, a young American, newly wed,
wrote down (W), (at least she should know
to take her purse) then (H), (who could not keep
his wife at home with love, understanding, reason,
who did not go to look for her).
The lovers were somewhere in the middle
but he who loved should have wanted
to save her, had an obligation to that love.
The one who didn’t care should
have cared for self respect.
The boatman — can you blame a capitalist?
At the bottom of the list, I wrote (M).
After all, I had been everyone, felt shame
for all of them, except the man on the bridge.
mirror - 4.9.26
Have I aged in this month? I see myself in the mirror every day and it’s always a bit of a disappointment, but I don’t see daily wear and tear. We’ve been meeting with old friends and there is always something different to notice, but not usually age. But today I decided to watch the news carefully and see whether the commentators have been affected physically by the strain of war. Here are my conclusions: the women have been fixed up or replaced, unless they are well known experts in their field. Expert women take care that their plastic surgery is very gentle. The men, however, have acquired innumerable worry lines in their face – worry lines that will not be erased.
There are other signs of an altered society – the fact that my car was smashed up by a careless driver is a detail multiplied thousands of times. That only today, after ten days, has someone looked at the car to see whether it can be repaired, and that only once the damage is determined can I be provided with a substitute car (because all the insurance adjusters are busy evaluating damage from the cluster rockets), are signs of the times.
But what the hell – now that there’s a break in the fighting (in central Israel at least) – we have all been behaving like dogs who are let off their leash in the park.
And now I’m going to put on make up so nobody sees all the wrinkles…
discovery -4.8.26
first off I’m not going to talk about the mess we’re in and how we have to work out a completely different scenario.
Let me tell you about today. of course we were still up for the ceasefire and even though we weren’t mentioned in it we knew it would change our lives.
But we couldn’t do anything – there was nothing to do. And we decided to give up – and revel in our helplesness. We took our first bath, walked around with no shoes, took a nap, went walking along the beach (along with half the city), took another nap and discovered that we’ve been missing far too much sleep.
I didn’t turn the news off fast enough and heard we’re bombing Hizballah like crazy.
For years I have been writing about people in Lebanon, helpless like we are now, and now my feelings for them surged. But then my numerous friends up north who have gone without sleep, without work, without school, without bathing.. for months… reminded me.
How terrible to turn off the news and not think, but how wonderful not to think for one whole day.
discovery – 4.8.26 Read Post »
life - 4.8.26
we were still awake when the cease-fire was supposed to take effect. 3 a.m. There were alarms, some cluster bombs and it was possible we would have a pause. Then we slept – deeply. I dreamt that people who were long dead were still alive and rejoicing with me in an elegant bar. I kept forgetting where I left my purse and didn’t care.
Is it possible our neighbors will begin to accept our existence and we can stop fighting? Is it possible for all of us to recover from this horrific loss of life, of culture, of civilization? I believe in Iran’s culture and our ability to rise above hatred and fear. I believe that the desire for life is more powerful than the desire for death.
wha happened? 4.7.26
I was expecting such a barrage of rockets tonight about the time we were planning to celebrate the evening of the holiday. We even moved the holiday meal back to the afternoon so no one would get caught in the booms. But up to now it has not been much different from any other day. Hizballah has been pounding the north, but Tel Aviv has had some close calls and some houses damaged but it isn’t as wild as I thought. Is it possible that Iran wants to talk cease fire?
I can’t imagine how wonderful even a cease fire would be for war-torn countries. For me too. Even though the post-trauma will not be easy in any way.
I’m still overwhelmed by the fact that we only had two sirens so far and its already late in the evening.
wha happened? 4.7.26 Read Post »
There must be something else to talk about 4.6.26
There must be something to talk about besides the war. But everything in my existence is related to the war. Today I said I’d try to go normal and finish the chapter on Holland I’m writing about in the biography of Kurt Gerron. But we were woken up at 6:30 by a rocket attack and I had fallen asleep late trying to figure out why no one has been talking about the cluster bombs that are getting more and more effective and are absolutely illegal warfare on citizens. so i couldn’t get my mind around Gerron.
Then I went to get my hair cut. Well, Ezi had to drive me because my car is in the garage and his car is a Tesla that my heart won’t let me drive. And while Amir was cutting my hair, the siren went off. Amir, remembering how I ran off to find a shelter the last time, held me down and finished my hair and Amir took me to the shelter. Turned out Ezi had come to pick me up and found another shelter. So we met after the rockets and went home.
That’s when the cluster bomb rockets started coming in succession. We made it to the shelter at home and as usual were met with our neighbors who all claim to know whatever is happening next with the war. And I was so depressed I couldn’t cheer myself up with the rounding up of the Jews in Amsterdam and Gerron’s positive attitude. So now I’m going to try to go through the Dutch newspapers again and try to focus.
You can see the situation is really bad when the Holocaust cheers me up.
There must be something else to talk about 4.6.26 Read Post »