There may be one benefit from this war. The relationship between Jews and Arabs in this country seems to be improving – we are beginning to understand how intertwined we are – how interdependent. Even though we don’t always mix socially, we do mix every day in our lives, and very often we do like each other very much.
I may have written these lines under the influence of the numerous commercials that come on the news programs that I am addicted to. They all talk about their companies and their products in the context of communities composed of both peoples.
I certainly hope we keep moving in this direction.
We’ve been talking about ceasefire all evening, with the understanding that if it is actually declared, the rockets will intensify and finally hit my neighborhood. I’m doing french showers and no shampooing until then – and I have more than a minute to go for shelter. I’ve got friends and former students who have less than 15 seconds. i wonder how they change their clothes. This of course includes Arab citizens as well as Jews. I doubt that there are sirens at all in the desert, and yet rockets fell there. And in the villages.
I lost track of how many rockets have been fired on citizens here – 6000? no, only 4.500. So if there are almost 9 million inhabitants that’s half a rocket per 1000 people. or one rocket per 500 families. How many panic attacks does that mean? How many heart attacks? How many children like my granddaughter wake up sobbing in the middle of the night?
Because I learned so much from zoom this year, I was anxious to see how the kids have switched back to zoom after having been in school for a few weeks. The only difference I noticed was the extent to which their ears were attuned to sounds outside. A motorcycle revving up, a whirr from a kitchen appliance, a news program from a passing car – anything can prime them for a race to shelter. Things seem normal, but there is a level of awareness and sensitivity that I remember from previous wars. So many previous wars.
I know the children in Gaza are affected worse – they get a phone call to leave their homes and their homes disappear. And then no one is responsible for them. It is terrible.
There’s more action today than usual – as if we’re ending with a bang. As if we’re heading for a ceasefire and have to use up all our equipment before its over. But I don’t know what anyone has gained from it. We’re breaking even – with many lives and entire fortunes lost.
In any case the chance of a few rockets over us tonight are greater than usual.
i am sure grandmothers in Gaza and all over the country here were being squeezed out of bed, or at least out of their comfort zone, by frightened children. Me, I got a rejection from a poetry magazine I was sure would take a poem of mine. And I sat thinking that no one is going to publish anything by an Israeli poem now, so why should I even try. and by the time I got to bed, a child came along frightened by a motorcycle that sounded like a siren, and squeezed in. Even the amulet didn’t convince her that she was safe.
in the morning I put on the shirt I bought twenty years ago in Trinity College – it’s a translation from Irish about a monk and his cat – both up at night, the cat chasing mice, and he chasing knowledge – “turning darkness into light” – this shirt, now ragged, will help me get through the day.
the last item on the news I saw was a Gazan grandmother looking for her family. That was before my grandchildren came to stay over tonight. They don’t have a shelter and I was worried about their safety – especially tonight. We know there are launchers aimed at us out there, and as a therapist my daughter is in great demand at work and her partner is even more needed in the public sphere. So I asked to have them visit.
But as we were finishing dinner it turned out that one is so totally traumatized she can’t go to the bathroom by herself and has terrible nightmares.
And then – as we were watching a late night movie, it was announced that they have school on zoom in the morning.
The eight year old couldn’t sleep and I put an amulet under her pillow after a long comforting conversation. But now I’ll never relax – how will i get them down to the shelter in time? How stupid was I to think I could do more than get my old ass out of range?
Yes, I want the fighting to stop. I don’t want to hear about more losses of life in Gaza. The people I have met in Gaza – every single one of them – was as dear as my own sweet granddaughter. But I don’t want to have her attacked again.