blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

yesterday i was explaining to my cousin Howard and brother Joe that rockets come on the hour, and I have come to plan my activities around that.  Yesterday we went to pick up some vitamins from a business that seems to have lost their shop and are working out of their apartment. I said we should leave after the hour and make it home within the hour, but Ezi dallied, and when we got there the electricity on the whole road was out, so we had to find out way in the dark past the electric door and up the steps.  And by the time we left, it was almost on the hour.  So I made Ezi wait next to the shelter in their dark house until the hour was over. 

Nothing happened.

But today, as I was thinking about an afternoon nap, the sirens went off – no where close to the hour.    

there goes another theory.

rocket timing – dec 5, 2023 Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

this is an old poem, but i think of it often when we speak about how we determine the blame for this war:

HOSTAGE CRISIS

I

“This is the game …” You draw a diagram.

“First,  a river” – a line across the page.   

“On this side lives a husband and wife.”

You write (H) and (W) on the bottom half.

“On the other side are her lovers,” (L1) and (L2),

who live in view of each other.

(L1) loves (W) madly but (W) is mad for (L2)

who doesn’t really care but consents

to sleep with her when she’s there.

“There are two ways to cross the river –  

a bridge and a boat.  The boatman, (B),

for a coin will carry anyone anywhere.

The bridge is free, but from eight at night

until eight A.M. is patrolled by a murderer (M)

who destroys those who try to pass.

“One morning (W) goes to see (L2).

They spend all day in bed.

She is so besotted 

she forgets the time, and it is eight.

“When she runs to (B) she sees

she has left her wallet at home

and asks to owe the money.

(B), a businessman,

does not operate on credit.

“Returning to (L2) she asks

for a small loan, but he – reiterating

what he said in the morning – shakes his head.

He has no ties to her, except, as she knows,

an indifferent willingness to acquiesce.  Can 

she stay the night, she asks.  He shakes his head.

“(L1) watches her run down his path, desperate,

hysterical.  ‘If you love me at all, please 

lend me the money for the ride or give me a roof

for the night!’  ‘Not I – who have watched you two all day –  

in love and pain – I will not be further used and wounded.’

“It is bitter cold, and if she sleeps outside

(W) will surely freeze.  Perhaps, she thinks, the

murderer will not come out now.  She tries

the only way left.

When she gets to this point,” You draw an (X)

with your pencil half‑way across the bridge, “She is killed.

“Now,” you say in triumph, “List

the letters in order of responsibility.”

II

That was years ago and I, a young American, newly wed,

wrote down (W), (at least she should know

to take her purse) then (H), (who could not keep

his wife at home with love, understanding, reason,

who did not go to look for her).

The lovers were somewhere in the middle

but he who loved should have wanted

to save her, had an obligation to that love.

The one who didn’t care should 

have cared for self respect.

The boatman – can you blame a capitalist?

At the bottom of the list, I wrote (M).

After all, I had been everyone, felt shame

for all of them, except the man on the bridge.

———————

Now I think of how we blame Bibi and others who ignored the pleadings of so many people in intelligence.  We blame the businesses for raising prices, the tv for spending so much time on the news and not giving us something to relieve our pain.  

We blame Sinwar and Deff, but the situation is so much more complicated.  Sinwar and Deff are the product of their society, even if they were not really chosen.  We constantly worry about the people in Gaza, even though from the hostages who returned we know they tortured them needlessly.  And we feel terrible guilt.

 

who to blame Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

Until this war, my rule in recording these events was never to reread and never to correct what I’ve declared.  But things happen so fast here, and what was considered false becomes true from minute to minute.  I have to alter what I wrote yesterday.  The UN women yesterday heard the pleas of those who are gathering the facts about October 7, and today heard eye witnesses of the mass murder and rape and mutilation.  It doesn’t bring the hundreds of those young people to life, it isn’t going to bring the hostages back home or ease the horrorible trauma so many individuals have endured, it isn’t going to change the situation of the fifty odd orphans who witnessed the murder of their parents, it isn’t going to change the minds of the millions who have been screaming hatred against Israel for wanting to erase the movement that designed this mass murder.  It isn’t going to bring back the lives of the Gazans either.  But it may give just a bit of peace to all the victims of the stupid war we have been forced into.

The UN is waking up – dec 4, 2023 Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

Often I forget that the fact that I’m functioning pretty well doesn’t mean I myself am not traumatized, and that I’m not the only one.  I’ve pretty much abandoned many people I love, don’t call, don’t respond, even though I’m doing my best.  And I forget to forgive the crazy behavior of others, although I admire greatly the heroism I see all around me.  Here are some examples:  The other day Ezi was so excited showing me the new roof shades he got for his Tesla that he turned around at the traffic light and took his foot off the brake.   I know the car wasn’t supposed to move, but it did, and bumped into the car in front of us.  The other guy got out of his car, looked at the damage, came to the window where Ezi was stunned into silence, and shook his hand.  “We have worse things to worry about – there’s no damage.” Then he drove off. 

Ezi never makes mistakes. Ezi is never stunned, not even when he was informed that he was in advanced stage four lymphoma.  

He’s not the only one.  I’ve been too absorbed in a computer problem to go to sleep for weeks.  I’ve burned the dinner more than once.  and there’s a scrape on MY car I don’t know where it came from.

 

 

what was i thinking? Dec 3, 2023 Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

That’s it.  We’re going to the theater.  I don’t care what is on.  We’re on our way. more to come.

so we went.  first to the demonstration for the hostages and then Ezi rushed us off because we had tickets to a play next door.  The evening was all about sharing our mood, hopes, fears, and our experiences. Ezi and I had mixed feelings about the whole thing.  We loved the actors, the songs, and the skits, but I couldn’t help feeling that it was too close to the carousel show the Kurt Gerron organized in Thereisenstadt to cheer people up.   It tried to make us the frightening situations funny, unify us with our nostalgia, and help us to feel that our sense of helplessness is shared.  It didn’t raise our spirits or our hopes.

And then as we were leaving, the demonstration too was over and the traffic was terrible.  I wanted to wait it out at the hospital cafeteria but Ezi insisted on joining the traffic jam and inching our way home.  It turned out to be not too bad and just as we arrived home, the sirens began.  Apparently there were more rockets where we were and nothing on our street.   The people who stayed there to chat and wait out the traffic found themselves in the shelters.  We had dinner.

That’s it for tonight.  

cameri – dec 2, 2023 Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

I know it’s too early to really have a conversation, and we really don’t think Hamas is capable of doing anything but hating us and throwing us into the sea – but there are human beings in Gaza, who could relearn what they’ve learned about us.  There are so many who have worked in Israel and have been able to support their families as a result, and so many who have received medical help from us and whose lives have been saved.  There are Gazans who have traded with us, sold fish and vegetables, and benefitted from us.  These are Gazans who know we too are human beings.  So let’s help them get a government that benefits that beautiful country.

 

let’s talk coexistence Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

All about me – with others as marginal characters. 

Months ago the dermotologist photographed a few of the more interesting of the marks on my body and sent me to Ichilov.  But the holidays and then the war put everything off and my appointment kept changing and moving back and forth.  Today was my day and even though I feel terrible I went, expecting the procedures to last all day.  But the biopsies and the removal of one growth were quick and painless, unlike the instructions I was given, and perhaps if I had felt good to begin with, it would have been almost fun.    

The thing was, the place was overcrowded.  Not for me, because I have gonnections, but for everyone else.  I actually know the hospital well, and have never seen it so full of people.  I wouldn’t have noticed so much if I hadn’t needed to stop so often and rest on the way out.  Not more severely injured people – but with many ambulatory patients.  To my mind many of them had been delaying treatment until the ceasefire.   Or perhaps their doctors were at the front.  But when we finally got to the parking garage we saw the same thing – an unbearable crowd.  It was impossible to get out.  Nevertheless, it is clear there was a quiet and a unity to almost all the contacts that the people made.  

What this means I am not sure.

a little trip to ichilov – Nov 27, 2023 Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

As the hostages begin to return, painfully thin and totally traumatized, we think of the those 180 odd hostages who are still there, the men and boys who are not slated for an exchange with prisoners in Israel.  And anyone who thinks of them is traumatized as well.  To be thrown in a dark dungeon is bad enough for these women and babies, but who can imagine what is being done to the soldiers or the old men.  They will have to be rescued some other way.  

Every few days some organization calls me to ask how I am doing – it might be the municipality,or a writers’ organization or one of the philanthropic organizations that takes care of the elderly.  Whatever it is, I am always surprised and think for a moment before I say I’m okay.  After all, I’m functioning, smiling, shopping, etc.   But I make so many little mistakes I never made before – forget to call people, buy the wrong thing, send the wrong letter to the wrong person, mess up friendships, and so on – that I must be much more traumatized than I realize.  Of course I’m addicted to the news, know every facial expression of the Army Press Representative, can identify each hostage, donate something or some time every week to the cause of freeing the hostages or helping out with the terrible financial burden of the evacuees from the north.  But not doing that would be crazy in this environment.

 

 

trauma – nov 26, 2023 Read Post »