blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

this is an old poem, but i think of it often when we speak about how we determine the blame for this war:

HOSTAGE CRISIS

I

“This is the game …” You draw a diagram.

“First,  a river” – a line across the page.   

“On this side lives a husband and wife.”

You write (H) and (W) on the bottom half.

“On the other side are her lovers,” (L1) and (L2),

who live in view of each other.

(L1) loves (W) madly but (W) is mad for (L2)

who doesn’t really care but consents

to sleep with her when she’s there.

“There are two ways to cross the river –  

a bridge and a boat.  The boatman, (B),

for a coin will carry anyone anywhere.

The bridge is free, but from eight at night

until eight A.M. is patrolled by a murderer (M)

who destroys those who try to pass.

“One morning (W) goes to see (L2).

They spend all day in bed.

She is so besotted 

she forgets the time, and it is eight.

“When she runs to (B) she sees

she has left her wallet at home

and asks to owe the money.

(B), a businessman,

does not operate on credit.

“Returning to (L2) she asks

for a small loan, but he – reiterating

what he said in the morning – shakes his head.

He has no ties to her, except, as she knows,

an indifferent willingness to acquiesce.  Can 

she stay the night, she asks.  He shakes his head.

“(L1) watches her run down his path, desperate,

hysterical.  ‘If you love me at all, please 

lend me the money for the ride or give me a roof

for the night!’  ‘Not I – who have watched you two all day –  

in love and pain – I will not be further used and wounded.’

“It is bitter cold, and if she sleeps outside

(W) will surely freeze.  Perhaps, she thinks, the

murderer will not come out now.  She tries

the only way left.

When she gets to this point,” You draw an (X)

with your pencil half‑way across the bridge, “She is killed.

“Now,” you say in triumph, “List

the letters in order of responsibility.”

II

That was years ago and I, a young American, newly wed,

wrote down (W), (at least she should know

to take her purse) then (H), (who could not keep

his wife at home with love, understanding, reason,

who did not go to look for her).

The lovers were somewhere in the middle

but he who loved should have wanted

to save her, had an obligation to that love.

The one who didn’t care should 

have cared for self respect.

The boatman – can you blame a capitalist?

At the bottom of the list, I wrote (M).

After all, I had been everyone, felt shame

for all of them, except the man on the bridge.

———————

Now I think of how we blame Bibi and others who ignored the pleadings of so many people in intelligence.  We blame the businesses for raising prices, the tv for spending so much time on the news and not giving us something to relieve our pain.  

We blame Sinwar and Deff, but the situation is so much more complicated.  Sinwar and Deff are the product of their society, even if they were not really chosen.  We constantly worry about the people in Gaza, even though from the hostages who returned we know they tortured them needlessly.  And we feel terrible guilt.

 

who to blame Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

Until this war, my rule in recording these events was never to reread and never to correct what I’ve declared.  But things happen so fast here, and what was considered false becomes true from minute to minute.  I have to alter what I wrote yesterday.  The UN women yesterday heard the pleas of those who are gathering the facts about October 7, and today heard eye witnesses of the mass murder and rape and mutilation.  It doesn’t bring the hundreds of those young people to life, it isn’t going to bring the hostages back home or ease the horrorible trauma so many individuals have endured, it isn’t going to change the situation of the fifty odd orphans who witnessed the murder of their parents, it isn’t going to change the minds of the millions who have been screaming hatred against Israel for wanting to erase the movement that designed this mass murder.  It isn’t going to bring back the lives of the Gazans either.  But it may give just a bit of peace to all the victims of the stupid war we have been forced into.

The UN is waking up – dec 4, 2023 Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

Often I forget that the fact that I’m functioning pretty well doesn’t mean I myself am not traumatized, and that I’m not the only one.  I’ve pretty much abandoned many people I love, don’t call, don’t respond, even though I’m doing my best.  And I forget to forgive the crazy behavior of others, although I admire greatly the heroism I see all around me.  Here are some examples:  The other day Ezi was so excited showing me the new roof shades he got for his Tesla that he turned around at the traffic light and took his foot off the brake.   I know the car wasn’t supposed to move, but it did, and bumped into the car in front of us.  The other guy got out of his car, looked at the damage, came to the window where Ezi was stunned into silence, and shook his hand.  “We have worse things to worry about – there’s no damage.” Then he drove off. 

Ezi never makes mistakes. Ezi is never stunned, not even when he was informed that he was in advanced stage four lymphoma.  

He’s not the only one.  I’ve been too absorbed in a computer problem to go to sleep for weeks.  I’ve burned the dinner more than once.  and there’s a scrape on MY car I don’t know where it came from.

 

 

what was i thinking? Dec 3, 2023 Read Post »

blog, israeli politics, my life in tel aviv

That’s it.  We’re going to the theater.  I don’t care what is on.  We’re on our way. more to come.

so we went.  first to the demonstration for the hostages and then Ezi rushed us off because we had tickets to a play next door.  The evening was all about sharing our mood, hopes, fears, and our experiences. Ezi and I had mixed feelings about the whole thing.  We loved the actors, the songs, and the skits, but I couldn’t help feeling that it was too close to the carousel show the Kurt Gerron organized in Thereisenstadt to cheer people up.   It tried to make us the frightening situations funny, unify us with our nostalgia, and help us to feel that our sense of helplessness is shared.  It didn’t raise our spirits or our hopes.

And then as we were leaving, the demonstration too was over and the traffic was terrible.  I wanted to wait it out at the hospital cafeteria but Ezi insisted on joining the traffic jam and inching our way home.  It turned out to be not too bad and just as we arrived home, the sirens began.  Apparently there were more rockets where we were and nothing on our street.   The people who stayed there to chat and wait out the traffic found themselves in the shelters.  We had dinner.

That’s it for tonight.  

cameri – dec 2, 2023 Read Post »

israeli politics

Even if a rocket falls far away from here, the house shakes.  And tonight there were a few – not really close – but they made me sad that we’re back to square one.  And even though I tried to avoid the news on tv I caught a little conversation with the doctor who was taking care of the released hostages, and was blown away by his incredible respect for the fortitude and nobility of the children as well as the adults.  He said it was an honor to serve them. 

These are amazing people, the hostages who survived branding (literal), starvation, and psychological and physical brutality – and can even now begin to overcome it.  And the doctor was uplifted by them, despite the fact that he clearly went through great trauma hearing their stories.

So what can I complain about spending an evening waiting for rockets.  It’s nothing.

 

wherever they fall – dec 1, 2023 Read Post »

israeli politics

let me just add another part and revised yesterday’s paragraph

I assumed this information will be put together before too long, and the truth will come out. But at the moment I wanted to publish this, nobody seems to be sharing. I myself didn’t talk about a much more civilized rape for fifty odd years.

But as this piece was going to press, on the first of December, the hint of the organization of the materials began to become apparent.  Dr. Kochav Alkayam-Levi has quietly established a civil commission in the matter of “Crimes of Hamas against Women and Children” in order to collect information about the carrying out of explicit written instructions of methodical rape, torture, mutilation and murder.  The vastness and the volume of the evidence makes the accuracy of the evidence far more complex than a listing of victims can signify.  One detail, the existence of bodies whose gender could not be established, may function as a synecdoche of the entire massacre. Alkayam-Levi has not released most of the data, with the idea that the trauma is too great at the present time, and the international denial too widespread for any reasonable analysis.

rape – first addition – dec 1, 2023 Read Post »

israeli politics

 

 

It’s been almost two months since the slaughtering of party-goers and farmers in the Gaza corridor, and I am just beginning to collect myself from the shock long enough to wonder why the rest of the world hasn’t noticed that there were mass rapes here.  And then it hit me – we haven’t said how many women were raped and murdered, how many were mutilated, how many were just raped, and so forth.  So I began to look for information, for specific facts.  As a woman who has undergone rape, I found it a more focussed subject than the general slaughter.  Throughout this time, for instance, there have been testimonies and films – often go-pros of the terrorists themselves.  Women gang-raped, women killed in the middle of gang rapes, women mutilated and murdered and raped in front of their children, little girls as well as teen-agers raped. 

I saw a lot on film, but how many actual cases were there?  I could not find evidence.  I wanted to turn to Zaka, the voluntary search and rescue organization which appears wherever there are tragedies, has saved so many lives, and mopped up seas of blood for burial.  But when I got to them, it turned out that the speaker for the organization had just suffered a heart attack and was hospitalized. I shouldn’t be surprised – experienced paramedics broke down on television when questioned about what they had seen.

Who else could tell me?  There weren’t enough pathologists to take care of the bodies at the party and it has taken all this time and we’re still working on identifying all of them. In fact, we had to import pathologists from abroad to help out putting the pieces back together. After all, when you only have parts of bodies it’s hard to identify them, much less know if they were raped, alive or dead.

And as far as I know nobody’s asking the freed hostages what happened to them, whatever their ages are.  They have enough trauma to work through.

I assume this information will be put together before too long, and the truth will come out.  But for the time being, nobody seems to be talking. I myself didn’t talk about a much more civilized rape for fifty odd years.

where’s the rape – nov 30, 2023 Read Post »

israeli politics

The 160 odd people still there.  we’ve got to get them out. The more we hear about the horrors the hostages who were freed went through, the more we wake up to the nature of our enemy.  And how we are becoming like them, As much as we pitied them, we now feel them animals.  How terrible for all of us.

The other day in Ichilov, I was unaware the released hostages were being checked out, but conscious of a mood,  Today it was back to normal – full of old people like me waiting.

I’m okay by the way.

For the moment.

But when my friend comes over, she’ll be full of terrible stories, like everyone else.  And I’ll think of the horrors we’ve experienced, are experiencing, and will soon experience in greater degree.

So I don’t see many friends.

 

 

and now we turn to who’s missing – nov 29, 2023 Read Post »