This isn’t a substack or a journal or a daily paper, because I only write when I see something you should know about, and only if I have time. Forgive me, there are so many things like that – things that only an unimportant person like me would bother with, but are so indicative of an entire society. But I’ve got to rush off to the hospital now because Ezi has an appointment to have a cyst on his back removed. It is a cyst that appears every time we fly and causes him great pain, and me a lot of disgust because it has to be drained every day, and I’m going to applaud when the doctors leave the operating room.
If you think we’re only suffering from PDSD here, let me add another basic trauma we are all suffering from – survivors’guilt. How can I enjoy myself completely when my cousins are starved, tortured, frozen, suffering. I think of the girls who have been mutilated, raped, tortured, and I can’t really enjoy myself completely.
Today two women in their seventies were killed in a terrorist attack. A man in his forties was also killed – while his son watched. Two soldiers were seriously injured as well. I’ve been noticing more and more that old ladies like me are good targets of terrorists – the terrorist has to fill a quota and we are easier targets. Even that affects me.
I once had a trainer who I asked to teach me some self defence. He started with a pillow against his chest, and he asked me to hit him. I failed again and again. Maybe because he was such a nice guy – maybe because I’ve never learned violence. I’m sure most of the women my age are like that.
But anyway how do you fight against armed men?
So there’s a third syndrome we’re operating with – fear.
Somehow the subject of Judges 19 came up in a conversation on why not read the bible. This sent me to read the chapter and I was horrified. Such terrible crimes, such murder, such silly battles, such a stupid loss of life.
There was a lot that reminded me of today, and then I came to the last line – “In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as they saw fit.”
This is the perfect introduction to the next books – of Samuel and Kings and the beginning of order. But we don’t need a king, we just need leaders who aren’t criminals and who behave justly – for themselves and for us.
When a conversation was recorded between 2 Hamas men about a new captive, and they referred her as a “filly,” I was filled with such terror I cannot describe.
Because I have some kind of flu that makes me dizzy, it was hard to wake up at 4 in the morning or whenever it was that the Yemeni missile was shot down. I managed the steps down to the shelter, but I had to be fully conscious to do it so I really focussed. And then of course I couldn’t get back to sleep. So today is going to be a waste at best.
This year’s photography exhibit at Muza, the Eretz Yisrael Museum, focuses on the horrific events of October 7, and the terrible consequences to Israeli society. The way we feel, not only the terrors we have endured, but also how we have been turned into animals by the multiple wars we are enduring again and again. My deepest prayer is not only that the hostages will be freed, and will be able to overcome their tortures and recover what is left of their lives, but also that we will be able to regain our moral ideals, to live like human beings.
I have been there, on New Years, on Bourbon St. It was a rousing time, and the sense ofnonymity lent a particularly unique feeling of freedom. The events this year, however, altered the significance of that sense of anonymity.
Everyone is a target.
When I sit in the shelter with my Arab neighbors I used to think – well, they are collaborators so there is some “justification” for them to be targeted like me. But we have to accept the fact that the innocent people who are killed in attacks like that are not just collateral damage – chaos is the goal – the overturning of civilized society. For the extremists at least.