Deleting files of the life I used to have this morning, I discovered this:
it is one of my favorite reading poems but i have no memory of where this was published in this way.
november 28, 2020 – Joan of arc – the life i used to have Read Post »
in these times of trouble I sometimes feel an incredible urge to connect with people who may be ill, or lonely, or in need. Usually I take an aspirin and lie down until the feeling goes away. Because I know it isn’t going to lead to an improvement of the person’s situation, and I can’t do much to change that situation, but it will definitely make me feel bad. Tonight a former student called and reminisced about the times she used to visit me when all the kids were living here and we had a dog and everything was happening. I was beginning to feel nostalgic about the good old days but then I realized her situation was so bad now that her happy days were long ago and in her situation it will never get better than it was then. i wish i could help her, somehow connect her with a partner, get her an eye doctor that could improve her situation, or at least help her find a job that she could do with other people. but i know i can’t, so all i can do is wish her well, embrace her virtually, and then go off feeling sad.
and yet we must connect. we are so busy with our survival and the difficulties of overcoming the obstacles to communication that sometimes we forget the old people, the weak, or even just the old friends that need a little boost. let’s try, just a little harder. i will. i promise.
november 26, 2020 – connecting Read Post »
one side of my throat is all swollen,and, when i think about it, it’s been a long time since i haven’t had a chill or a head ache. but it is such a hassle to go to the doctor and then be told to drink tea with ginger or something basic like that. worse, to be given an antibiotic and then go crazy with all those anti-anti-biotics. oy. i just want to stop my teeth from hurting.
but if i stay home and rest I’ll watch television. And then the news about elections in March will make me ache all over. I have the terrible feeling that we’re getting vaccines just so that we’ll go to the polls and re-elect Bibi…
november 23, 2020 – i don wanna go to the doctor Read Post »
had the great honor and pleasure to be on zoom with the Arab Culturalist on Business Etiquette in the UAE . A cool, funny man who told us all the do’s and don’ts for doing business in Bahrain. It was clear and quirky and made it clear to me that our cultures are completely antithetical. It will be quite an experience to work with people in Dubai.
november 22, 2020 – Bahrain and the culture of commerce Read Post »
since i don’t have a bunch of poet friends who dare be honest nowadays and give constructive advice in fear of hurting my delicate feelings, i am putting this draft here. i fear i haven’t worked out the comments thing yet, but i’m getting there. so write me if you have something to say about this:
Paralysis
A draft for Alicia
There’s so much I don’t want to remember,
so much I don’t want to see,
but imprisoned at home it comes to me
how paralyzed we all have been made
and how much we need to free ourselves
not just from the lockdown of our home,
but also the passivity imposed on us
not only by terror of the plague
not only by the empty shops,
the faceless people on the street,
the lies piled so high they have spilled
into every part of our lives.
When my father had his first stroke,
he had to teach half his body
how to move. I saw how much work
went into a single finger, then a hand,
until one day he was walking again.
The second time it didn’t work.
Getting a single word out
was too hard a task.
But I am his child
and my mother’s too.
And she moved for him,
refusing to let him relent.
I want to invoke her now
her stubborn blind will
that ignored the chill of reality
and forced movement forward.
november 21, 2020 – Paralysis, a draft Read Post »
It is one of the things I should have been doing all along, but couldn’t bring myself to do – cleaning out my sock drawer. What does it entail? Not just getting rid of those with irreparable holes or those that shrunk in the laundry, but also getting rid of socks that suit clothes that will never be worn again. Which means, figuring out what clothes will be worn in the future. Which means predicting what life will be like after the vaccine. Will the vaccine work? Will it keep us alive? Will we live without the terror of plague? Will we want to go back to our old life or will we re-invent our old lives? Think about the possibility of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and maybe it’s the end of the tunnel, maybe it’s the flashlight of someone else looking for a way out, or maybe it’s an oncoming train….
me, i decided to keep all the socks, no matter how old and tattered.
i even darned a few.
november 20, 2020 – what if… Read Post »
my cleaner, who for so long has kept a distance whenever she comes over, has not had a conversation with me since february, brought us 2 kilograms of kumquats and lots of lemons. Now lemons I can handle, but what can i do with kumquats? i know, i know – i can make jam, marmelade, cake, chicken… But I’m not going anywhere and no one is coming over this weekend, and we have very limited freezer space… According to my cleaner I should cook it as jam for 3 days. By then we may have a vaccine…
november 19, 2020 – kumquats Read Post »
When I was teaching, I took great pains to wear jewellery. Indian jewellery I bought in the Judean hills near Jericho, Yemenite jewellery inherited from my mother, Palestinian jewellery that were gifts from my students, even a bit of gold jewellery left over from my divorce of 40 odd years ago. The jewellery helped keep the students eyes on me, even though their ears often went elsewhere. But since the outbreak of Corona I’ve even stopped wearing earrings. But an old friend, Heather Ferguson, woke me up to the question. Don’t I wear jewellery for myself? Why don’t I even wear necklaces on zoom meeting? She has the most interesting necklaces with amazing personalities of their own. You can look her up here.
The big question is a sense of self. When I go on zoom I always spray perfume (even though it is not something I think about in my usual existence (Even my husband lost his sense of smell from chemo 13 years ago). It centers me – reminds me that I am me and I am home, no matter how far away the others are…
So now I will add necklaces to my zooms. The next zoom I’m on is poetry and I’ll wear the piece I bought in a spa in Hevis in Hungary. It is very flashy and tasteless and has a life of it’s own, but it gives a different proportion to the Mishnah lesson my brother teaches – especially since this week I think we’re discussing something about modesty…
NOVEMBER 19, 2020 jEWELLERY Read Post »
