Survivor's Guilt -6.1.25
If you think we’re only suffering from PDSD here, let me add another basic trauma we are all suffering from – survivors’guilt. How can I enjoy myself completely when my cousins are starved, tortured, frozen, suffering. I think of the girls who have been mutilated, raped, tortured, and I can’t really enjoy myself completely.
Today two women in their seventies were killed in a terrorist attack. A man in his forties was also killed – while his son watched. Two soldiers were seriously injured as well. I’ve been noticing more and more that old ladies like me are good targets of terrorists – the terrorist has to fill a quota and we are easier targets. Even that affects me.
I once had a trainer who I asked to teach me some self defence. He started with a pillow against his chest, and he asked me to hit him. I failed again and again. Maybe because he was such a nice guy – maybe because I’ve never learned violence. I’m sure most of the women my age are like that.
But anyway how do you fight against armed men?
So there’s a third syndrome we’re operating with – fear.
My heart goes out to you. The text/verse which comes to mind is Isaiah 26:3. It is an internal peace, but not without ‘outer’ anxiety. This – alone – keeps me going many days. It must be why we recite Tehillim often, and why we still recite all the Tehillim on Shabbat Mevorkim.
my grandfather, the tehilim soger, would be proud of you: 3 You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. 4 Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.
The problem is those around me who are determined to disrupt the world. Inner peace is difficult when so many of the people around me are suffering terribly and their suffering is not even acknowledged by our leaders, while the leaders of those who create the suffering work around the world to deny that suffering.