September 27, 2020
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a thousand phone calls before the holiday. we will not wander the streets and run into friends. we will secretly meet with some of our children - but from a distance. and we will pray individually. i prefer it that way because no one prays like i do and i like to consider things on my own. i mean how am i to understand 'kol nidre'? my brother in his machzor 'et ratzon' gives a good reason. i think that for me it means that i am not tied to the past. i am able to renew myself - if i made decisions in the past, they may be reconsidered . for example this year i decided that my opinion of an old friend that i decided years ago was not worth keeping, should be reconsidered. so i set off looking for her to see if i was wrong or right. maybe we should be in touch. i'm not good at staying in touch with people, but here and there i try. really
or consider the case of a cousin of mine i've never had much to do with because his sister and he don't speak and she and i are in touch. today we talked - about his long months in the sinai desert in the '73 war. i should have known about all this - about his work sewing people together, keeping the sand out of gaping wounds, etc. etc. maybe i did know about some of it but forgot. but now i am reconstructing information and relationships.
September 28, 2020
ON THE DAY OF ATONEMENT
On the Day of Atonement in 1967
I put on my festive dark suit and went to the Old City in Jerusalem.
I stood for a long time before the alcove shop of an Arab
not far from the Damascus Gate, a store
of buttons and zippers and spools
of multicolor threads and snaps and buckles.
A splendid multi-colored light, like an open Holy Ark.
I told him in my heart that my father too
had just such a shop of threads and buttons.
I explained to him in my heart of all the decades
and the events and the reasons I am now here,
and my father's shop is burned up there and he is buried here.
When I finished it was the hour of Ne'ila.
He too pulled down the shutter and locked the gate
And I returned home with all the worshippers
*Ne'ila is the final prayer of the Day of Atonement, when the gates to heaven are locked as the fates of all have been sealed.
of course this is Yehuda Amichai's poem, and I only translated it years ago, and thought of him all week on the twentieth anniversary of his death. his wandering on yom kippur and the way he saw the connection between religon and everything else in the world. everything was connected, like the poem he had where he sees someone wearing a kippah and realizes that it is the same fabric as the underwear of an old girlfriend. i like to see the world that way -
This evening a friend asked me - and it has been occupying me ever since - "when did the custom of riding bicycles on Yom Kippur begin in Israel?" and I could not remember. Somewhere late in the '70s, early '80s. "Don't you find it repulsive?" she said, and i realized i had no thought about it. Yes. Last night I watched the kids meet together in groups in the streets, text each other to link up, and stop to gossip. this went on all day too. It's not just that it's disrespectful, i find it scary as well in these days of corona. i can't be wrong - the impossible numbers we're seeing now will peak a few days from now.
September 29, 2020
Oh dear, it looks like i might not be in contact for a few weeks - computer and website changes and all. i'll keep trying. As I told the laid-off computer guy who will help me update things - I have to warn people. Almost 20 years ago I started this diary so loved ones will know we've survived the terrorist attack, but now many of those loved ones are no longer with us, and other people have joined - some curious about me, some curious about Israel. i hate to stop keeping you in touch, and will continue as long as i can, but if there is a break of a few days, don't worry.