Tel Aviv Diary - from May 25, 2003 Karen Alkalay-Gut
It looks like we got a majority in the cabinet for approval. the road map (which bring spin doctor made that term up) has thumbs up. Can this be? At what point will we falter, stumble, fall?
What can't it be the Palestinians who stmble? They have less to lose. Simple. And then we become the intransigent ones.
Notice I do not even see the plan for it working. And yet we trust...
People keep sending me letters about how dangerous this road map is and how with a smaller israel there is a danger of nuclear weapons in the region. I must get about 20 letters a day with "official" political material. From both directions. We must we mustn't. Now I would not mind being in a position where my opinion actually matters - but as it should be clear i have done nothing to put myself into the government, and have too bad a back and am too allergic to sun to demonstrate on street corners. And do not write for the papers, and did nothing to formalize and advertise this blog so there is a great deal of evidence to suggest I (like Sapir and a few hundred thousand others in this country) fear the courage of my convictions. Nevertheless I have to state - that the road map must be given a chance. The situation is controlled enough that if Abu Mazen turns out to be like Arafat, constantly reneging on his promises, we can ameliorate the damage. And maybe - like with Arafat - the damage will be long range - but we have to take a chance.
I spent the weekend reading about two items close to home:1. the gas explosion across the street from Nona. The tenants of the building (whose gas tank it was) had been trying to get the leak corrected for months - there are letters to prove it. Apparently no one paid attention to them. I figure people are so distracted by terrorism and poverty that they think it is impossible that their fate will be determined by other factors.
The damage is incredible. I cannot get over the picture of sitting in Nona the other night and seeing each apartment - exposed in its damage. The way HD said in WWII. A house suddenly becomes a museum.
2. The other item is of interest to me because of an acquaintance with the people - the murder by a schizophrenic of a heroine addict last week, perhaps, as they said in the paper, over 300 shekel rent. The entire building they lived in is full of crazies - a woman who can't get over the shock of having been in a bus explosion (on dizengoff about 8 years ago), a survivor from auschwitz, an immigrant from persia who never learned to adjust to the new country, for example. These are people who are trying to get their lives togehter, and if we could get ourselves together to have a normal civilization it would be okay - there would be a place for them - we would have more rehab programs, social services, etc. But as it is, we just can't afford to take care of them - or so we say. All of these people have faces very similar to mine. And most of them have intelligences similar to or greater than mine. And I am ashamed to live in a society that does not care for the people in it.
May 26, 2003
The moment the road map was accepted by the cabinet yesterday i began to imagine the possibilities of peace and a more positive society. There is no doubt that our dream is of a more positive culture here. I sometimes wonder how it can be that the Palestinians do not seem to dream this way - that their dreams do not go beyond the slaughter of their enemies. But it is possible that it is only a question of situation. Education helps. As Richard points out to me again and again, murder and suicide is taught in Palestine schools. This creates character - but a school program can change.
i would love to be a part of that change.
What exactly IS the road map - we are not totally sure of the details. I keep getting contradictory information and haven't read the document. It is a also question of faith. Do i trust Bush? Sharon? Abu Mazen?
What else is there to do?
On another note, I met a Rabbi on Friday in Jerusalem and mentioned my fascination with poetic series on medical processes, like Abba Kovner's Sloan-Kettering. His name disappeared in my memory but his suggestion that i look at the last poems of Zelda was burned in my heart. The book was next to my bed and i found myself translating the last poem without thinking:
When the dark-faced woman scrubbing the floor
heard the doctor's words, she told me:
I will pray for you.
A sudden friend, unknown yesterday
told me:
I will pray for you.
May 27, 2003
I think I'll still asleep when the morning news goes on. Sharon says the occupation is bad. he says it is wrong to be in charge of 3,500,000 Arabs and we must arrive at a political arrangement. he says things that i never would have believed. And he isn't taking it to parliament - so it's through. Our foreign minister met with syria even yesterday.
Syria is still blaming us for everything, but rhetoric, as we see, can change.
